When you hear the word 'Montessori', do you just think of wooden toys? It's a bit of a buzz word floating around at the moment and is being tagged onto by all sorts of companies and brands... but there is SO much more to taking a 'Montessori Approach' to your little one's upbringing than just the toys and resources.
Maria Montessori states that "Children are human beings to whom respect is due, superior to us by reason of their innocence and of the greater possibilities of their future." This really struck hard when I read this. It is so true. We can be more 'Montessori' at home through respectful parenting and ensuring that we view our children as capable individuals - encouraging them to be independent, self-assured and confident in themselves.
Here are three ways to be more 'Montessori' at home without spending a penny:
1. Validating feelings
Sometimes it can be hard for us as adults to understand such big feelings in such little people. A toddler hitting you because they are cross is not okay, and we need to share this with them. However it IS okay that they are feeling cross - we need to show that we understand, can see they're cross and validate this to show we value them and their thoughts.
We can use phrases such as:
"I can see that you are cross because you are hitting me. It is okay to be cross, but it is not okay to hit me. If you need something to hit and get your anger out, you can use this cushion instead."
"I understand that you are feeling cross that you can't stand on the table, but that's the rule. The rule is to keep us safe and our feet must stay on the floor."
"I understand that you are feeling sad that your sister took your toy. That would make me sad too, but we cannot kick when we feel sad. That's not okay. We need to use our words instead."
"I wonder if you are feeling upset that you can't play with the wires? The reason you can't is because they are not safe to play with and it's my job as your Mummy to keep you safe. You can choose _____ or _____ to play with instead."
Phrases such as I can see..., I wonder if..., I understand that..., When _____ Then ____, are all ways of helping children to manage those emotions, helping them to see that it is okay to feel, but that we must show our feelings in a safe way for ourselves and others.
Sometimes this is really hard as adults, because we don't see what the 'big deal' is... but to little people, sometimes it is a HUGE deal and we need to be there to validate that that is how they feel and respect them.
2. Provide freedom within limits
Although it is our job as adults to keep children safe and set boundaries, one of the most important principles of the Montessori Approach is to allow children to have freedom within limits. Offering this freedom can help them to grow and to learn within developmental appropriate limits. The freedom and limits that we as adults allow reflect our knowledge of our child's capabilities, and these and the choices will change as they do. It can help children to develop the understanding of consequences, self-discipline and autonomy. It can allow them to become independent, confident and self-assured individuals as they are trusted to be capable.
Even from a very young age, your little one can begin to make choices for themselves, and this is a great way to begin to introduce Freedom within Limits. Hold up two outfits - which one would they like to wear? Show them two books - which one would they like to read? Offer two toys - which would they like to play with? To begin with, you may just have to follow your child's gaze as they focus on their preference, but then they'll be able to start reaching, grasping, crawling towards and picking up their choice.
Keeping choices limited is important, as otherwise it can become overwhelming. Two is the best number, but three can work too every now and again.
PS. This can also work with behaviour management with older children going forward!! "You can walk next to me sensibly, or you can hold my hand. Those are your two choices. Which are you going to choose?"
3. Observe instead of interrupting
Sometimes we as adults talk too much. We question children, wanting them to respond to us, wanting to know what they're doing and why. Interrupting our children's play can sometimes interrupt the formation of the brain pathways they're growing through exploring and discovering by themselves. When your little one is engrossed and engaged in something, step back. Let them be. Let them work out whatever it is for themselves. Watch them closely. What are they interested in? What else could you add to the environment that would help them to follow that interest? If they are successful at what they're doing, how could you further or extend the activity another time? If they are unsuccessful, what could you provide in the environment to help them to achieve next time?
Again, allowing children's concentration to develop can be started from a young age. Even newborns will watch the trees sway in the breeze above them if their out in the pram, or will watch their mobile move above their head on the playmat. Instead of moving them on, continuing walking, or picking them up to take them to do something else... stop. Wait. Watch for when they are ready to move on. A newborn will change their gaze to show they've stopping looking at what they were watching. As your child gets older, it'll be more obvious to see when they're concentrating on something - but it's a way of us adults slowing down too. Let them observe the flowers on the walk to nursery. Let them work out how to get a ball out of a box. Let them figure out how to move their body to get what they want from underneath them. Every time we allow children to complete their activity, we are allowing them to build those strong brain connections and further their learning and development.
You don't need to have a playroom full of wooden toys. You don't need to have mirror, or a wall bar, or a floor bed. You don't need to have a self-access kids IKEA kitchen... You just need YOU. You, through respectful parenting, and believing that your little person IS CAPABLE, no matter how small, is a great first step to following a more 'Montessori' approach at home.
Comments